Life is a game

Game: a competitive activity involving skill, chance, or endurance on the part of two or more persons who play according to a set of rules, usually for their own amusement or for that of spectators.

Board-Game-LifeIt could be that life is a game. You are assigned a player; you get an avatar and you are placed on the board. The player you are assigned seeming to make a big difference in this game, as does the appearance of your avatar and where you happen to be placed on the board. Some players seem to start with many more advantages, while many others seem to have been significantly handicapped. These handicaps can dramatically effect the results of a player’s game and there are locations on the board that can make staying in the game very challenging.

Games involve rules, but in this game you do not know the rules in advance. You pick them up as you play or the game ends. You absorb most of the rules without even realizing it. Other players, especially those closest to you on the board, may share the rules that they think are the basis of the game, however, it can be quite confusing when you see that everyone seems to play under slightly different rules. There are only a few rules that are sometimes called “laws of physics” which appear to apply to everyone. There are some rules that seem especially important and many other rules seem to work like guardrails to keep you from breaking the critical rules.

It is quite likely that you will never realize that you are playing a game. The stakes appear to be very high and most of the players are taking the game quite seriously; players rarely acknowledge to one another that they are even playing a game. There seems to be all manner of strategies that other players take in the game and this too can be quite confusing. This may or may not lead you to try to figure out what the game is all about. Most of us absorb an implicit understanding of this and just play accordingly. It is often easier to judge that others are playing the game incorrectly or just do not know the rules than to go through great efforts to determine the purpose of the game. These players adopt someone else’s rule book and let that calm their uncertainty and angst about the purpose and rules.

Managing energy level and hedonic tone seem to be very important in the game. The interaction with the other players seems to be a primary way this is done. Players seem to spend much of their time figuring out a strategy of how to establish and maintain relationships with other players and how best to earn and use their tokens (a.k.a. money). Players grow very attached to other players and find it very difficult when they are struggling or when their game ends.

Players seem to vary in how much amusement they get from playing the game. I suspect that many do not enjoy the game. This seems to be a function of the rule book, and how others play the game. The concept of winning is a big question due to the obscurity of the rules and purpose of the game. It does seem that many feel that only some players can win. These players seem hell-bent on “winning” their game regardless of what it means to the other players. There are also players that think that no one can win the game, while others believe everyone can.

New players are continually being added to the game. They require the help of others if they are going to make it in the game. Players at all levels are just as consistently exiting the game. Remaining players may try to learn from these exits. It seems like the game ends when the avatar can no longer function in the game, but game-overs remain a big mystery of the whole game.

If life is a game, then I wonder whose game it is and who these players really are? Who is manifesting all of these avatars? Could they come from one source? Could it be that there is only one player —a source that is capable of actualizing all the players on the board? This source might have imagined this amazing game, perhaps even many other amazing games — imagining and fully immersing in the games, so fully that for a time true identity is lost in the characters played.

If this is what the game is all about, then why should my avatar fear the end of the game? If he is playing, then the game is not over. If the game is over, then he is not playing. Why should he fear games that he is not a part of?

Why should I fear death?
If I am, then death is not.
If Death is, then I am not.
Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not.
—Epicurus


John R. Lucy, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice at Decatur Psychology, LLC.

I need, therefore I am

Our life existsyinYang in death’s shadow. Investment in life is our resistance to the pull of death, but survival has its requisites and so to live is to have needs. Unfulfilled needs have a cost — potentially life itself. To have needs is to feel alive and to be vulnerable. Vulnerability inspires a drive to seek out or to protect; in this way vulnerability is the foundation of emotion. Emotion literally means “to set in motion,” “to stir” or “to disturb.” This is the function of our emotionally organized “executive operating systems” (EOSs)*; they each activate us to manage our vulnerability, our needs and life itself.

Our needs percolate through us to stimulate feelings, thoughts and impulses to action. Needs begin upon life’s arrival and our strategies to meet these needs develop in response to the circumstances confronting us.  This personal disposition we try so actively to define and make sense of reflects the melding of what we have brought into the world with what we face during our life’s journey. Like a river carving a canyon, life shapes our personality.

Personality is a significant determinant of what draws us towards one and repels us from another. The pull of approach or push of avoid is felt in response to the process others engage in to satisfy their needs; we measure how that might facilitate or interfere with our own efforts. Difficulties with others are not because they have needs but in response to the path they take to assuage their needs. We are capable of having empathy for the needs of others because we too understand and experience need. Connecting around this insight might help lead us away from conflict and towards awareness and dialogue.

CaptainPhillipsIn the movie Captain Phillips, we are introduced to a Somali pirate named Muse (played by Barkhad Abdi), who with a small crew hijacks an American cargo ship and takes Captain Phillips (played by Tom Hanks) hostage. In this character’s introduction we see the context in which Muse must try to meet his needs. While we may denounce his actions, we can have empathy for satisfying needs in such difficult circumstances. Empathy also opens us up to see how his actions occur within a larger global framework that makes judgment more complicated. In the midst of violent conflict, seeing needs, accessing empathy and gaining awareness of the complex interrelationships between people and the larger systems in which they are embedded is our only hope of seeking peace in war’s shadow. This is as true at the micro level as it is on the macro level.

Our ability to see through behavior to the needs and vulnerability from which it springs helps to engage our capacity for empathy. Each of us is born vulnerable and in our struggle to live we are drawn to what meets our needs in our particular circumstance. Our unique story is embedded in a larger whole and seeing another’s need, as well as their strategy for meeting the need, allows us to see their story. These are the stories of life’s dance with death.

*see Who’s Driving Now, River Running or Trial By Combat


John R. Lucy, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice at Decatur Psychology, LLC.